The Truth about Religion

ALL PRAISE JESUS! This is a TRUE miracle and I witnessed it. Today my wife and I went down to see the parade in New York. We kept hearing that Jesus was there, but just laughed it off. But on the corner at 3rd Avenue there was a man there talking with a group of people. He was wearing one of those Dr. Seuss hats and a bow tie. He didn't look like Jesus, who as everybody knows is a white man with a beard. This guy looked more like, I dunno, he looked more liked a Jew. People were handing him all kinds of bottled water, like Arrowhead, Deja Vu, Ozark and even bottles of Trump Water. Each bottle that has handed to him was returned as a bottle of WINE. Just like it says in the bible. That's when we knew it was the real Jesus. So we asked him, "Jesus, what can you tell us about what is happening?" Jesus said unto us, "You see dad really hates two things: dumbazzes and jerks. Like when you move and your new neighbor is a real jerk. Can you imagine what it would be like in heaven to have a bunch of stupid jerks hanging around? Heaven is for eternity, man. It wouldn't be so cool here if there were stupid people and jerks hanging around." Jesus continued, "So dad came up with this plan to create Earth and test souls here. Everybody in heaven is cool and dad doesn't want to have to put up with fools. So he had people make up some stories that were just so silly only a fool would believe them. Some people joined these cults and dad uses this to filter out the people who are stupid and they don't get into heaven. That's what makes it so great." So I asked, "But what about all this stuff about wee-wee's and ya-ya's – and bungholes? What about the bungholes Jesus?" Jesus looked me in the eye and said "Man, in heaven there are no wee-wees, ya-ya's and no bungholes. Nobody poops because there is no food. There is no starvation in heaven man, don't you see? There are no bodies in heaven, man. We're all like Casper. Casper don't have no bunghole man. Casper doesn't have a bunghole." And with that Jesus blew my mind.